42
by WeepingintheTardis
Summary: He hadn't counted the days since the battle at Canary Warf, nor had he counted the weeks, nor the months. No, instead, he had counted centimetres. (reunion fic starring David Tennants extensions)
1. Prologue

**A/N: Remember 2 years ago when David Tennant suddenly had this majestic long hair? That inspired me to write this fic. I've posted it before, but decided to rewrite it.**  
 **The story is set after season 2 and will contain about 10 short chapters. Reviews and constructive criticism are welcome. Enjoy ;)**

* * *

 **Prologue**

He hadn't counted the days since the battle at Canary Warf, nor had he counted the weeks, nor the months. He simply couldn't bear to think of time like that. For him, being a Time Lord, time never was a straight line. One moment he could be in London, decades before it would happen, the next he could find himself in the 24th century where the events of that terrible day were long forgotten, but never once could he cross his own time line and go back to that particular day. He didn't want to know the absolute time that had passed. Instead, he had counted centimetres.

Five. That was when it had happened. She had fallen through the void, the blank wall in Torchwood. If only she had held on for ten more seconds... What if Pete hadn't been there at exactly that fatal moment? He'd failed her, he had failed himself, but at least the universe was safe.

At six centimetres he had found a tiny gap in the universe, just about to close, and she had come all the way to Norway, following a voice she wasn't even sure was real. During those precious two minutes he had left to spend with her, he had failed himself again.

Of course he'd been wanting to tell her back then. He'd been thinking about doing that for a long time, but had been waiting for the right moment. Then suddenly this had been the last moments with her would ever have. But he couldn't say it. Of what value are words when spoken as a final farewell? It had taken him too long to understand, seeing her standing on that beach, that she already knew. She had only needed him to acknowledge it and this realisation had finally given him the courage to speak the words.

Too late. He had gotten his one and only chance to tell her what they'd both known for a long time and he had wasted it. He had failed again.

The first decimetre had passed the quickest, and had also been the most painful. He had spend his days alone in the Tardis, desperately trying to find a way to heal his own heart and hers. Maybe he should have decided back then that he should just forget and move on. He always did. But he didn't want to forget. He needed something to remind him of her forever. And so he had started counting.

When he reached seventeen he had thought most of the pain was over. He had started to travel again, exploring time and space, just as he had done before the time war.

At twenty he understood that it had never been a good idea to go back to earth in the first place. He had even tried travelling with a new companion, a nice young bloke called Ivo. He shouldn't have stayed. Not when everything he saw reminded him of her.

On one occasion, in Washington he was confronted with a woman who looked just like Yvonne. Angrily he had lost his mind, ending world war 6 by blowing up 3 continents, before locking himself into the Tardis, leaving the poor Ivo behind.

He had been staying in the void for 3 long centimetres, unable to do anything but sleeping, crying and letting the Tardis take care of him.

How he had reached thirty-five he didn't know. By that time he had built up a new life on a planet far away from earth and had lost it again. He'd gone crazy, begging everyone to kill him, but no one would. He escaped from the clinic three months after they'd put him in it and had run back to the only home he knew.

Forty. He had finally started to come to terms with himself, had saved about fourteen planets and had even considered taking a new, nonhuman, companion. The boy had fallen into a supernova before he got the chance to ask.

The Tardis woke him by softly humming to him. The Doctor groaned and pulled the covers over his head. Today he had reached forty-two. Reluctantly he got out of bed and dressed himself in his grey suit. After Bad Wolf Bay he had only worn his black one and on special days, like this, he covered himself in grey.

After having run the programs for the daily checks on the Tardis and their surroundings he pulled himself together and made his way towards the kitchen.

There it was, the same as all those times before, waiting for him on the table. Only this time the cake had forty-two lit candles neatly placed on top of it. He slowly sat down on the only chair and fiddled with his hair. Sighing he retrieved a band from his trouser pockets and roughly put his hair in a ponytail.

Forty-two centimetres... It had grown so slowly lately. His last "celebration", when he'd reached forty-one, had been at least five months ago.

The Doctor stared into the flames, tears forming in his eyes and blurring his vision. 'Oh Rose-' he breathed. 'I'm so sorry, I'm so very very sorry...' He started sobbing into his hands as he retraced all the memories of her he had collected in his mind.

His Rose, his pink and yellow human, had always been so brave. She was like a light to him, guiding him through the darkness that was left of him after the time war. He had send her home, but she had come back for him and had been willing to die if that meant he could live.

Regeneration, New New York, cybermen, being stuck on a doomed planet, saving each other, flirting, arguing, holding hands, hugging... but never crossing that line. And oh, he regretted flirting with Reinette, he regretted never telling her how sorry he was and how he had never meant to leave her alone on that spaceship, he regretted not being brave enough to cross that thin line, he regretted never having been able to tell her what exactly she was to him.

Eventually he calmed down enough to stop crying. He stared at the cake and closed his eyes, wishing the same as all those times before: _Please give me a chance to tell her I'm sorry_. _Please give me a chance to tell her that I love her_. _Please give me one more chance to get her back_.

He took a deep breath and blew.

* * *

 **TBC...**


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

Red lights started flashing and the Tardis shuddered and groaned. The Doctor became aware of the awfully hard sound of the alarms and scrambled to his feet, running the short distance back to the console room. Everything was turning around and the Doctor was being flung from side to side in the small corridor. It was like the Tardis was trying to shake something off. He pushed himself up at the wall, completely disoriented by the flashing lights and when he had steadied himself again it occurred to him that something was very not right. Whereas the little kitchen had previously been just around the corner of the console room, he now found himself in the middle of a labyrinth.

'Oh, come on!' he shouted. 'Not now...'

Desperately he looked around for any sign that would lead him directly to the consoles. He felt the Tardis' consciousness touching his mind, sending a rather unpleasant tickle down his spine, the equivalent of a scream. It nudged him to the right and he went that way, following the instructions of the machine to make it through the maze of corridors.

He ran past the library, noticing that there now was a huge waterfall flowing out of one of the higher shelves. As he rounded another corner, the hard tiles changed into soft yellow grass that smelled like banana's. _The Tardis is disintegrating,_ he thought, _the realities of separate rooms are blending into each other._

There! He sprinted the last metres and jumped onto the platform surrounding the consoles. The sound of a dull explosion reached him and the corridor he had just been in collapsed. The shock threw him off balance and he bruised both his knees sliding over the grating. Scrambling to his feet again the Doctor grabbed the consoles. One look at the screen told him they had taken off and the Tardis was desperately trying to land. He ran to the other side, rapidly pushing buttons and pulling levers to stabilize her. No reaction. He tried it again, his hands working all over the console, but it didn't matter. Smoke came from under the panels and with a loud crack even the glass column broke. The Tardis didn't react to his touch anymore. The shaking increased and the sound of the Tardis landing became ear-splitting as she worked against herself.

He couldn't think straight. Landing had never been a problem before. Something must have happened, something must have forced them to leave. The Tardis would never have a problem with taking him somewhere, except...

Oh no... Except if that somewhere meant that it was against the laws of time that he would go there.

The Tardis materialized in mid air. The Doctor screamed. Panic washed over him when he realized what was happening. He started smashing the buttons on the consoles in a desperate attempt to send them back, but all his actions were in vain. With a final crashing noise the Tardis hit the ground. The impact had the Doctor flying backwards. He could feel two of his ribs break before his head hit the solid wall and he lost consciousness.

.

.

.

'Do you think this is _the thing_?' the last words were merely a whisper.

'Well, it certainly looks like it.' another, deep manly, voice answered. What do you think, guys?'

'Maybe.'

'I'm not entirely sure.'

'We should let Mickey take look.'

 _Mickey?_ The Doctor groaned and blinked heavily as his vision slowly became more clear. _Mickey the idiot?_

'I'm afraid Mick is on a mission.' said the man who had spoken first. 'So, since we can't get this thing open, we should bring this box to Torchwood One for identification. Pete will want to get a look at this.'

 _Pete?_ While the discussion outside continued, the Doctor tried to sit up. Pain shot through his side, making him yelp. Darkness edged his vision and he flinched as he slowly lifted himself to his feet. Grabbing one of the coral struts for support with his other arm, he took in the chaos around him. It was unusually dark as only the emergency lights were on. White smoke was leaking from the consoles and it filled the air with a burnt smell. By the look of it, the Tardis had shut down. They must have landed, but where? Still a bit dizzy the Doctor limped towards the doors and listened.

'I don't understand, why don't we just send her a video call? At least then we're sure.'

'Because we were told not to show her these things before we're entirely one-hundred percent sure it's from him.' the deep voice rumbled impatiently. 'Remember the last time we thought we found a message from him and it was just some space junk?'

'No...'

'She couldn't handle it. Since that day everything concerning _him_ is to be directly taken to Torchwood.' The man said grumpily. 'Now get to work!'

Peaking outside the Doctor could see they were in the middle of a car park. A few people were putting up red/white police tape and another one was taking pictures of the crash-site. The ship had taken more than one car with them during the landing and had left a slipstream of broken glass and other bits. One man stood guard one a meter away, but no-one was currently looking in his direction. Silently he stepped outside, leaning heavily against the door and tapped the man on the shoulder.

'Uhm- I'm sorry to interrupt, but did someone say Torchwood?'

In merely a second all twelve heads were turned in his direction. They belonged to twelve men wearing matching outfits, including twelve guns that were all pointed at his chest. He slowly raised his arms, wincing as that motion was more than a little painful.

'I'm sorry, mate, but it's the protocol.' The man he been talking to pushed a cloth drenched in some bad-smelling substance in his face and the Doctor passed out for the second time that day.

* * *

 **AN: Thank you everyone who is reading this story ^^  
next chapter will be longer**

 **TBC...**


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

It was raining lightly. Ever so occasionally a raindrop hit the window, sticking there until being blown away by the wind. Light music and the various lamps lit the atmosphere in the room. A man was standing behind the desk, glass of water in his right hand, the other hand casually in his pocket. He stared out of the panorama windows. Seen from this floor, London lay stretched out before him. He could literally watch over the city.

That was one reason Pete had chosen to make this room his office. Another reason was that he would only be bothered by people who really needed to see him and were happy enough to climb the stairs up to the 20th floor. The elevator only led up to the 18th floor and the only key of the door to the staircase was in his possession. He'd been very insistent on this. Since he had so much work to do for Torchwood, he couldn't afford to be distracted by people just randomly popping by.

Most of the projects he worked on required help from professionals, as their success depended on such little crucial elements one could easily overlook. Therefore there had been installed an online video communication system which allowed him to contact professionals from all over the world. The system also included a one-way video channel with his operating teams.

Since he had gotten this job, he had been changing many aspects of Torchwood One. With help of Rose, he had been able to set up a new investigation team specialized in alien technology. The main task of Torchwood was no longer to acquire alien technology, but to send it, along with the occasional aliens, back to where it belonged. There were a few exceptions, of course. Sometimes the props they found were too dangerous to even try to send back.

And of course there had been the Doctor. At first he hadn't had the faintest idea of what this man had meant to Rose. He and Jackie had gotten married and Rose had become his stepdaughter. They had grown closer over time and after a while she had opened up to him. During the late hours they spend in his study she told him about their adventures and about the wonderful man who gave her the universe. It was clear the Doctor had meant everything to her.

Rose also had nightmares. Every other night she would wake up screaming his name. Jackie was the only one who could calm her down at these times, which more than once had resulted in Pete being banned from his own bedroom in the middle of the night.

To say that Pete was worried about Rose was an understatement. There were days he even feared she would take her own life out of sadness, but fortunately she never did.

Together with Jackie, Jake and Mickey, he had made a plan to bring his daughter back to her Doctor. There were ways to transport a single person to another universe. Most of them required dangerous alien technology and had a low success rate, so eventually they had settled on the dimension canon. However, the making of this canon would easily take two years. In this time span the Doctor might as well have found a way to this universe himself, or worse, have moved on and forgotten about Rose. In the meantime all he could do was train everyone working at Torchwood to recognise signs that the Doctor might be involved with the daily events. So far, there hadn't been a sign of him.

Pete sat down his glass and picked up the files he'd just gotten about a pair of Weevils. The creatures had been arrested after they had started a fight in the underground by throwing ice cream at innocent passengers.  
This was unusual behaviour, even for weevils, he pondered, Weevils were very aggressive and it wasn't their nature to annoy tourists, they always went for the kill. Usually this alien species only hunted at night, not in broad daylight, whatever the difference was underground.

There was a knock on the door. 'Mister Tyler?'

He lowered the Weevil-file, not sure if he had heard someone calling of it was just his imagination that had distracted him, and listened.

'Mister Tyler?' The man knocked again. 'Pete, are you in here?'

 _Jake?_ he wondered what his young friend was doing by his office. Nevertheless he sat down in his chair, turned and pushed the button at the underside of his desk that opened the door.

A young man stepped inside. He was still wearing his field outfit and there were drops of dried mud all over his face and in his hair. Other than that, he was still carrying his gun, which was against the protocols of floor 20 –weapons were only allowed on the ground floor and in the training areas. In his other hand he was holding a file similar to the one Pete was still holding.

Jake didn't even take time to take in his surroundings or think of courtesies. He walked up to the desk and slammed the papers down in front of him. 'I thought you might want to see this.'

Pete raised an eyebrow questioningly and changed the weevil-file for the new one. Flicking through the papers with data he frowned. 'What is this, Jake?'

'Field report, Sir.' He ran a hand through his messy spikes. 'It might have to do something with the Doctor.'

Pete's eyes shot up to Jake. 'What makes you say that?'

'We got an alert that something had fallen from the sky and had crashed in the London suburbs.' He shrugged. 'Same as usual, so we send a team to clean the area. All we found-' he turned another five pages and revealed a high quality photo taken at the crime scene. 'A blue police box.'

Pete studied the picture, tracing the outlines of the box with his finger.

'We couldn't open it, couldn't break in.' Jake continued. 'Before we could decide what to do, someone stepped out.'

'Was it him?' Pete looked up at him desperately, even though he knew Jake would have acted otherwise if it had been. He was one of the few people at Torchwood who had personally met the Doctor.

Jake swallowed. 'We don't know.'

'What!?'

'It could have been...' he stammered. 'B-But I'm not sure, he looked different. He was knocked unconscious before I got the chance to ask him for his name. Something to do with a protocol.'

'That's correct.' Pete smiled lightly as Jake looked down ashamed, the man had violated the protocol more than once. Then he became serious as he realised something. 'Nobody tells Rose about this! Not a word!'

'I made sure of that, Sir. My men's lips are sealed.'

'We're wasting our time here. Eventually she will hear it.' He closed the file and rubbed his temples. 'I need to see him myself. Where can I find him?'

'I have ordered my men to have him taken to the medical bay for examination. He looked pretty beaten up.'

'Bring me to him.' Pete stood up, cringing as he saw the muddy trail on the carpet.

Jake tried to look even more ashamed as opened the door to let his boss through.

Together they descended the stairs and Pete used his key to gain access to the elevator, sending them down to the medical bay, which was located on the fourth floor.

'What exactly did he say?'

'He said: "I'm sorry to interrupt, but did someone say Torchwood?"' The doors slid open and Jake had to run to keep up with his furious boss. 'Why? Is that important, Sir?'

'Yes, Jake,' Pete answered harshly. 'It is. If it isn't I wouldn't want to know, would I?'

'No, Sir.'

As they reached the medical bay they were stopped. Two men in field outfit were guarding the door. Like Jake they were both covered in mud and they were still carrying their guns.

Pete shot Jake a glare when the men didn't step aside to let him through.

'I'm sorry, Sir,' one of them said. 'I can't let anybody in.'

'Why is that?'

'There is a possibility that this man is dangerous, Sir.' the other answered.

'I can assure you that mister Tyler here knows the risk he takes when he goes inside that room.' Jake nodded towards the door. 'I assume we all know that he is fully authorized to take that risk.'

When neither of Jake's man reacted, Pete sighed heavily. 'I don't have time for this. Either you let us in or you're fired.'

'But-' They looked at Jake for help.

'You better do as he says.' he nodded.

Finally they stepped away from the entrance, still not sure what was going on. Jake and Pete quickly walked past the guards and let the door slam closed behind them.

Three man in white coats had gathered around the operation table. On the table was lying someone, definitely a male. Resolutely Pete pushed the medics out of the way and stared down at the man, raking his eyes up and down the lean body and pausing on the head.

In contrast with Jake and his man, his body was clean of mud. Instead severe bruising covered his left side, at least one rib was broken and both his knees had large wounds on them like kids have when the skin has been scraped off during a fall with their bikes. The face, on the other hand, was stained with dried blood, coming from one of the wounds on his head.

Pete bent down and opened one eye, closed it again and then lightly tugged at the brown hair. He stepped back and examined the face again.

'It could be him...' he murmured. 'But he looks so different.'

'Old.' Jake whispered. 'When I met the Doctor he looked so much younger.'

They all studied at the unconscious body again.

'How is he?'

'He's pretty beaten up. Luckily, physically there's no permanent damage.' The oldest of the doctors showed Pete his clipboard. 'The only thing off is his heartbeat. You can feel it's not normal.'

The doctor indicated him to check and Pete grabbed the man's wrist, searching his pulse.

'It's too fast and the rhythm is just not normal.' The doctor continued. 'It's almost as if-'

'As if he has two hearts...' Pete whispered, dropping the hand. 'Time Lords have two hearts...'

'Is it him?' one of the doctors dared to ask. 'Is this the Doctor?'

Pete bit his lip. 'I don't know. Rose said he was the only Time Lord left. But I'm not sure.'

'What do we do now?' Jake asked. 'He'll be out for another few hours.'

'It won't take long before Rose takes notice of this.'

'She'll kill us if we don't tell her.'

Pete smiled lightly. 'I'm afraid she will, yes.'

'So?'

'You go and get her.' he turned to the medical staff. 'You, when I come back, you're done with whatever it is your doing with this man and you're all gone, understood?'

They all nodded, knowing better than to argue with this man, and watched Pete silently as he left the room.

As he reached the door he stopped and turned. 'Oh, and for God's sake, give him some clothes.'

* * *

 **TBC...**


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Rose Tyler had her own little office on the seventh floor of Torchwood One. Until recently, she had only used the room for filing the necessary paperwork after a mission. By the renewed protocols field reports were mandatory whether a mission was successful or not. The report included lists of officers, vehicles and weapons involved, photo's taken at the scenes and information files on any alien life form or object encountered. It was a tedious job and whenever she could, Rose delegated the task to a low ranked field officer, only reading and signing it afterwards.

The ground work was more her kind of thing. She had a broad knowledge of alien species and behaviour and time with the Doctor had even taught her a lot about the different kinds of alien technology. Most of her man could not distinguish a completely harmless alien hairdryer from a not so harmless laser gun. Rose did her best to teach them all she knew on the subject, but they all lacked experience in the field.

For several months Rose had been sent from one mission to another, never taking more than the necessary days to rest. She needed to keep busy, needed to keep running for her life. It was a distraction from thinking about what she had lost. Sometimes she thought this was her trying to replace her life she left behind with a better one. Her old life that had been shattered, broken into a thousand pieces and sucked into the void when the last crack was sealed. For a long time Rose had grieved, struggling to pick up the pieces of this new life in this new world. Pete had offered her a job and she had started working for Torchwood. She had been running ever since. The running kept her sane. Or so she had thought.

Her last mission should have been a simple investigation in the south of London. Rumours were that a particularly bright meteorite had been spotted and shortly after that the first floor of a nearby warehouse had caught fire. The floor had been ruined by the flames, but the rest of the building was left completely intact. It had been Rose and her team's task to search the floor for any signs that this fire had anything to do with the shooting star. The task was easy enough to be carried out with a small squad at night. Everything had seemed to be perfectly in order as they approached the building. Then, just after she had given the sign they were going in, Rose had spotted it. Just around the corner of the street she had seen a blue box. Of course when she had reached the spot, having her men left behind, there was nothing to be seen. This hadn't been the first time either, she had been having these moments for weeks when she thought she saw the TARDIS, the Doctor, or thought she heard the ship take off. She had ignored it afterwards and hadn't told anyone about her hallucinations. But that evening she had lost it. Her men had needed to carry her back to the car and drive her back to Torchwood where she had spent two days as a sobbing and whimpering mess in the medical bay.

That had been two months ago and it hadn't happened again. After the second night, the stream of tears had dried up and she had gotten a hold of herself. Jackie had taken her home to spend some time with the baby she had with Pete. The little Tony had helped her settle in this world more than anything. The boy had been born shortly after the Doctor had left and Rose felt strangely connected to him. She had recovered quickly and was ready to return to work. Still Pete didn't want to send her on a mission and so Rose was bound to her desk filing reports on Weevil attacks in the area.

.

.

.

Without knocking Jake entered the office. Rose was accustomed to this, Jake being one of the few friends she had here, and merely lifted her eyes of the paper in front of her to acknowledge his presence. She looked sad, Jake thought as he sat down on the desk, facing her.

'Rose, are you all right?'

'Hmm, just tired.' She turned to the next page and continued reading. 'How was the crash site?'

'Actually that's why I'm here. Listen, Rose,' Jake placed his hand over hers and pushed down the file, waiting for Rose to look at him. 'We think we've found him.'

She stared at him, eyes wide in shock. 'What do you mean found him?'

'It was a blue police box.' Jake swallowed. 'And there was a man inside.'

Rose only stared at him. Jake saw tears glint in her eyes and behind them just a glimmer of hope. When she spoke her voice was harsh.

'Take me to him.'

.

.

.

Jake had found Rose on the seventh floor where she had her own little office. As soon as he mentioned the Doctor, she'd dropped everything and that sad look had appeared in her eyes, the one only meant for him. Without saying a word she had followed him downstairs.

Pete was already waiting for them as the elevator arrived at the fourth floor. Rose had recovered from the shock and any form of emotion had been wiped from her face. Jake excused himself, not feeling at ease under Pete's gaze, and went another floor down to finally shower. Pete led Rose to medical bay and was relieved to see that the guards were gone.

As Rose reached for the knob, Pete stopped her. 'Listen, Rose.' he waited until his step-daughter faced him. 'You must understand we're not one hundred percent sure that man is the Doctor.'

She nodded. 'I know.'

Pete smiled encouragingly at her and let her open the door.

The medical bay was all white plastered walls and beds and the smell of disinfection fluid stung in her nose. On the only occupied bed, the furthest from the door was lying a man. They had even bothered to put him under the covers, a rare occurrence given which team had brought him in, and over one of the two chairs was hanging a grey jacket, blocking the view of the man's head.

Rose slowly approached the bed, not making a sound as the man was clearly sleeping. She needed to see his face and yet she found herself unable to rise her gaze. After all those times she had thought she had seen him she still dared to hope today was different. She bit her lip and took a moment to prepare herself. It was impossible, the Doctor couldn't be here. Still, she knew, it would hurt to see a man she hoped would be him, but wasn't. Slowly she raised her head.

Her heart skipped a beat and she gasped; He definitely looked like the Doctor. Only... different.

Hesitantly she took a few steps forward, noticing the dark circles under his eyes. Even in his sleep, his brows were furrowed, making him look older than ever. But what somehow worried her the most was his hair. The impossibly long locks were spread across the pillow, barely held together by a simple black hair band.

'Doctor?' she whispered softly, still not sure this was him. The man, however, made no indication that he was aware of her presence.

'I'm afraid he won't wake up for a while, Rose.' Pete was still standing in the doorway. 'The drug they gave him hasn't dissolved from his systems yet. He has a few broken ribs and several internal bleedings, so it might even take longer than it normally would.'

'I'm not even completely sure it's him.' she looked back at her step-dad sadly. 'He looks so old and pained... And look at his hair, the Doctor would never let it grow that long, that would take centuries.'

'I know, sweetheart.'

The man in the bed groaned lightly and pain flashed over his face. Unsure Rose stretched her arm out and reached for his hand, but stilled just before touching it. She shook her head, even if this man wasn't her beloved Doctor, she could give him some comfort. She took his hand inside her smaller one and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Much to her surprise he sighed and moved his fingers to hold her hand, a small smile forming on his lips. The frown almost completely disappeared as her thumb rubbed small circles on the back of his hand. He mumbled something, barely audible. 'Rose...'

She inhaled sharply. How could he know her name if he wasn't-? She quickly repressed the thought. Pete had addressed her by her name when, it was possible he had registered that, wasn't it?

'I'm here.' she whispered.

His fingers started to wriggle in her grasp as if to found a better position for them that he couldn't quite find.

They lost connection as Rose stepped away, an idea forming itself in her mind. She picked up the chair, dragging it towards right side of the bed and sat down next to where his head was. She reached for him again, only this time with her left hand. Closing her eyes she felt him entwining their fingers.

The gesture was so achingly familiar. In this touch she felt the rough calloused grip of the man with the northern accent, who took her away to explore the stars, while all the same she felt the long slim fingers of his next version; the one that had promised her forever. A sob fought its way up her throat and she buried her head in the mattress, her body shaking as she cried. He even smelled like him.

'Rose?'

She raised her head and her red watery eyes found his. 'D-Doctor?'

'I'm so sorry...' tears were forming in his eyes he was clutching her hand desperately. 'I'll never have the chance to tell you, but I'm so very sorry.'

'Are you-' she swallowed and quickly reformulated her sentence. 'Where are you this time? In the Tardis?'

'Does it matter?' he grimaced. 'When I wake up I'll have forgotten this.' A single tear escaped him and rolled slowly down his cheek.

'But- how can I touch you?'

'You're just a dream, of course you can.' the watery brown eyes locked with hers, and he smiled lightly. 'It's always the same, though, you'll disappear and I wake up. Alone...'

His words confused her. 'But, Doctor, I'm real...'

'That's what they all say.' he shook his head, anger flaring up in his eyes. 'Why are you always torturing me like this? It's not fair!'

Just as sudden he slumped back in the pillow and started crying.

'Doctor?' She'd imagined a lot of things about when she would be reunited with her Doctor -Because there was no doubt it was him- but she had never expected this. Not sure how to react she moved her other hand up to his face.

He leaned into the touch and mimicked the gesture. 'Rose...' his fingers traced over her cheek. 'I've tried everything I could think of to get you back. Everything! Please believe me?'

'I know.' she whispered.

'You know what I was going to say when I lost you, don't you?'

She nodded as another sob escaped her.

Listen to me, Rose...' The Doctor looked at her, his eyes falling closed from exhaustion and sighed. 'Rose, I...' The hand left her face and fell heavily on the mattress.

A single tear slid down Rose's cheek. 'I know, Doctor, I know.'

* * *

 **If anyone is still interested in reading this**

 ***shrugs* I finally found enough inspiration to write**

 **Comments and criticism are welcome**

 **TBC... (hopefully soon)**


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Darkness. Pain. Fear. It was all the Doctor was aware of, though the last one disgusted him even in his slumber. It wasn't completely dark, he realized. It was there, a spark, just in the corner of his eye. With great effort he turned towards it. The little light expanded, became brighter. He tried to get closer. Sharp flashes before his eyes made his head ace and the stream of thoughts he might have had was drowned out by the pain. He couldn't move, he was floating around in endless black nothingness. He tried to reach out above him -or maybe it was below him- to somehow swim to the surface that wasn't there. Consciousness was tugging on the edges of his mind. However, before it got a good grip on him, he sank back into the darkness.

The Doctor was dreaming. He knew he was, because Rose was there. His mind was playing tricks on him. So he just did what he always did when he saw her. He cried, he begged, he lost her again and he would not remember.

Drugs. It must have been some kind of sedative, the Doctor thought, though nothing too bad. He couldn't slip into a healing coma, which meant the drug would have to dissolve from his systems on its own. Though he was still fuzzy, he was not unconscious anymore, nor was he sleeping, nor could he find the energy to open his eyes. He mentally shrugged and stayed as he was, waiting for the drug to wear off completely.

He must have fallen asleep again as there was now a very suspicious light pointed directly at him. He blinked heavily and his surroundings slowly came into vision. He was lying in a white bed in a room with white plastered walls and two windows through which the sunlight had fallen directly onto his face.

Where was he? His hearts were pounding loudly in his chest. He didn't remember coming here, he didn't even know what happened before that. Panicking he sat up and frantically looked around. Immediately regretting moving so fast he closed his eyes and waited for the pain to subside. He took a few deep breaths and, as soon as he didn't feel like throwing up, slowly moved to a sitting position on the edge of the bed.

Someone was sitting in a chair facing him. A girl, blond, mid-twenties by the looks of it, and with an all too familiar face.

'Rose?'

His hearts tightened in his chest. It was Rose, his Rose, who was frowning in her restless sleep.

Slipping out of the bed it took him a full minute to remain standing without feeling too dizzy before he tiptoed to the girl draped over the chair. Unable to believe what he was seeing the Doctor slowly reached out his hand and tentatively brushed a strand of hair out of her face. He felt something wet stream down his cheeks and realised that he was crying.

He took a shallow breath and tried to speak, but the words failed him. Another wave of dizziness had him sinking down to his knees. He burrowed his face in Roses legs, hugging them tight to his chest. His body shook uncontrollably. This was Rose. His Rose.

Rose stirred above him. The Doctor looked up at her with red watery eyes and in the moment it took her to meet his gaze, an unbelieving smile had formed on both their faces.

'Doctor.' She stammered.

Her voice rang in his ears. Such a beautiful sound, he had missed it so much. He shook his head and the sobbing intensified as he smiled up at her, finally allowing himself to believe this was true.

'Doctor, I'm real.' she smiled, tears forming in her eyes. 'Believe me, we're real.'

He bit his lip and nodded. 'I know.' he mouthed. Then his eyes turned in their sockets and his limp body slid to the floor.

.

.

.

Before Rose had time to fully realised what had happed, the door swung open and Jake burst into the room with Pete on his heels. He quickly took in their situation and after only a moment of hesitation he ran towards the couple. 'Don't move!' he shouted.

Pete was shortly after him, shooting Rose a warning look. 'Do as he says.' he grumbled. Sharing a look with Jake, they each took hold of one side of the Doctor and lifted him of Rose, laying him flat on his back instead. Pete placed two fingers against the Doctors neck and turned back to Jake. 'We're losing him.'

Rose sat in the chair, frozen, unable to understand the scene that was developing before her eyes. 'What-' she stammered.

'Don't ask stupid questions now!' Pete turned his cold grey eyes to his step-daughter. 'We have been monitoring him since he was brought in.'

In the meantime, Jake had grabbed the AED pack and had ripped open the Doctors shirt. Uncertainly he looked at the exposed chest. 'Which one?'

'How must I know?'

'Are you totally sure this is a good idea?' Jake placed his hands flat on the Doctor's chest and concentrated. Then he moved both his hands to the right.

'No.' Pete was dead serious. 'But if we don't do anything we'll lose him for sure.'

Realisation suddenly hit Rose. 'He can survive with only one heart.'

'Not when that heart isn't beating.' Jake swallowed and grabbed the device.

'No!' Rose screamed.

Jake didn't look at Rose. 'I'm sorry.' he whispered before he slammed his hands down, sending 800 volts through the Doctor's chest.

Her scream echoed through the room. Then it seemed like every noise was drowned out again. A burnt smell filled the air.

Rose opened her eyes and looked at the motionless body on the floor. At the other end of the bed, Jake scrambled to his feet, having been send backwards by the kickback of the shock. Pete had been holding her, but now slowly let her go and again took the Doctor's pulse.

'Is he-?'

'Aaaah!' the Doctor sat up, wildly clutching his chest. 'That is _much_ better. Finally able to think straight.'

Both Pete and Jake backed away and the Doctor turned to Rose. His eyes grew wide, then he smiled and winked. 'Hello again.'

* * *

 **A/N:**

 **Wow, second update this week O_O  
** **Short chapter because I have exams coming up and I'm desperately avoiding to study**

 **TBC**


	6. Chapter 5

**AN: Luckily I passed all my exams, so here's the new chapter. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

It took Pete a while to convince the Doctor that, no, he wasn't in any state to walk around, and yes, he really needed a bandage to prevent more damage to his ribs.

'They're already healing, it doesn't hurt.' he protested, but the look on his face told a completely different story.

And so, Pete and Jake had, without much effort, heaved the slender body from the floor and carried it back to the bed. Eventually the men had come to an agreement that the Doctor would stay there until his ribs would be fully healed and in return he would not be given any sedatives that would knock him out. For some reason the Time Lord seemed very reluctant to be put to sleep.

He had briefly considered slipping into a healing cycle. It wouldn't even take that long to accomplish. But to be able to heal properly, he needed to focus and to sleep. And sleeping meant dreaming and not keeping an eye on Rose. He was scared to lose his sense of reality and lose Rose again.

The doctor that had examined him before had reappeared and expertly applied the bandage to his torso. The Doctor let him work quietly, all the time his eyes never left Rose. Rose herself was still stunned by the whole scenery evolving around her. She just sat there staring into the distance, eyes wide in shock. Her face was so pale that it could have been marble were it not for the light flare of her nostrils every time she took a deep breath.

Jake lingered at the end of the bed, looking down at the Doctor. It was clear he had questions. He opened his mouth as if to say anything, but before he could utter even one word, Pete had grabbed his arm and tugged him out of the room.

'I'm calling your mum.' he told Rose.

The girl nodded vaguely.

The door shut with a loud click that echoed through the room. They heard Pete say something that was responded to by an indignant shout from Jake. Their arguing voices vanished as the men walked away.

The doctor at his side gave the Time Lord a final look-over and told him to lie down and rest before he picked up his clipboard and scurried after his boss.

The Doctor ignored him and remained in an upright position, still watching Rose who was unconsciously clenching and unclenching her left hand.

'Rose.' he tried.

She didn't even look at him.

As the silence dragged on and on, he took time to reflect on everything that happened in the past hours. To say that he was confused was an understatement. To say that he was worried didn't even slightly express what he was feeling right now. And above all that, the love and sadness he felt was shattering his hearts. He aced to comfort the girl he still couldn't fully believe was back in his life, but he simply couldn't.

His head shot up as he heard her chair being pushed backwards. Rose had turned her back to him. Her hands were clenched into fists. He waited, holding his breath.

'Why did you come back?'

The sound of her voice, thick and vulnerable, broke his hearts once more.

'I-' he started, but she cut him off immediately.

'No.' All hope he had had left him immediately. 'Not like it's just some stupid question. For once, just think about what you really want to say.'

He hated himself just a bit more as she started to walk away.

'Rose!' he helplessly called after her.

She sadly glanced back at him over her shoulder. A lump raised in his throat at the sight of her, words failing him. Then she lightly shook her head, a single tear sliding down her cheek, and walked out of the room.

Left with only his own despair as company, The Doctor sighed and closed his eyes. He'd messed up. The worst thing about that was that he didn't even know how he could have done this better. The more he thought of it, the more he wished that he had never ended up here.

He hated to admit it to himself, but he may also be a bit scared. What would happen now? Getting back to her had seemed like such a good idea, but not anymore. How couldn't he have realised that it was even possible that she didn't want him anymore. She had every right to hate him. She'd been left alone, stuck in a world so different from her own. And now here he was, showing up at her doorstep, years too late. She didn't even want to talk to him. He had broken her once and now she wouldn't let him near, afraid that it would happen again. No mater how hard he tried to think of a way, he didn't know how to fix this. Correction: If he was honest with himself, he was almost definitely terrified.

One thing was clear, though; he needed to find Rose.

His bare feet landed lightly on the cold floor, carrying his weight towards the exit. Careful not to do himself more harm, the Doctor padded out of the room. His body seemed to be coping very well considering what it had been put through. His ribs were still sore, and though he had no intention of disturbing the healing process, he didn't quite want the pain to go away. It was keeping him focused.

It wasn't before he was standing in the hallway that he realised he actually didn't have any indication of where Rose had gone. Scanning the area for clues gave nothing away either.

What would Rose do when she was sad? He pondered. On the Tardis she would usually hide in her bedroom or go the library to read. When Rose was sad she liked to curl up in a chair next to the fire with a cup of tea and fantasy novel. Normally he would leave her to it until the Tardis gave him the all clear and led him to the right room. But with no help from the Tardis and no sign of a nearby library, he didn't have a clue where to look.

 _Wait._ He grinned. _Tea._ He could start by looking for a kitchen and if she wasn't there... Well, then he would have to come up with something else.

.

.

.

Rose was standing in the small kitchen on the first floor, making herself some tea. She'd successfully managed to avoid bumping into any of her co-workers on her way. Certainly she didn't want to talk to anyone right now, but the Doctor. And she wasn't even sure about that.

Oh, of course she had hoped he would come back. She had known he would eventually find a way. It was just that she'd always imagined it differently. More romantically maybe.

Sighing she pinched the bridge of her nose. She was confused. If her feelings were messed up like this, she couldn't even begin to imagine how bad he must be. It might have been a few years for her, but for him... he looked even worse than she did. What worried her even more was that Tardis had crash-landed in the middle of London. The last time she saw the Doctor, he would never risk to send his ship here. He had said it himself: The two worlds would fall apart and cease to exist. That had been the best scenario. Rose hadn't dared to ask what worse could possibly happen.

She had often wondered what he was doing, whether he would continue to explore the universe without her, or if he would keep trying to find a way to get her out of here. At first she had hoped for the last option, but as more time passed she changed her mind. Rose herself rapidly got worse and that was only after a few months. The Doctor would live on for like forever. Nobody deserved to grieve that a long time.

An idea suddenly struck her. On the other hand, it could have only been months for him. The thing about travelling in a time machine is that you never knew how much time had passed between two visits. For all she knew, it could have taken him two months, which was as likely as two decennia. Given that he had been looking for her, of course.

She quickly shook off the thoughts and picked up the mug to take long sip. As the warm liquid filled her, she instantly felt better. Bless her mother for all those times she had made the little Rose tea when she had felt bad. If Pete had called her, Jackie would be her soon. Rose wondered what would happen when her mother arrived.

Footsteps close by shook her from her thoughts and, assuming she should make room for someone else, Rose turned to walk out of the kitchen.

The sound of the mug breaking into a thousand pieces reached her ears before she had registered she had dropped it. A scream escaped her lips. She had intended to return to the Doctor, but it was the Time Lord himself who was blocking the way out of the kitchen.

His gaze didn't leave her as he knelt to pick up the pieces shattered across the floor.

She recovered quickly and lowered herself to help him. Wordlessly they collected the shards and mopped the spilled liquid. As they worked together their shoulders brushed occasionally. She noticed the Doctor backed away every time, avoiding touch as much as possible.

When the floor was cleaned he raised and offered her his hands.

'Thanks.' she muttered as he pulled her to her feet.

He didn't let go of her hands, even though he knew he probably should. Their eyes locked and he stared into the brown eyes. She was looking back expectantly, but her gaze had softened. She still demanded an answer.

He closed his eyes briefly, considering his words, aiming for one simple sentence. But as he opened them again and found the loving expression on her face, the words started flowing uncontrollably.

'I didn't come back for you.' he confessed. 'This never meant to happen, I had to stay in my own universe and never ever come back to this one. You know why, you know about the cracks and the rift and how it could all be ripped apart if I tried.'

'But it didn't...' she pointed out, looking more than a bit hurt.

'I don't know how this happened.' he shook his head helplessly. 'The worlds should have collapsed. But they didn't.' The realisation scared him more than anything else. He couldn't possibly be here. At least, that was what his latest calculations had stated. It hit him that Rose hadn't said anything and was slightly taken aback when he saw that she had tears in her eyes.

'Rose...'

'Did you ever think of me, Doctor?'

'Is that what you think, Rose,' he stammered, shocked. 'that I just could go on without you? That I could just forget you? While everything I do is constantly reminding me of you?'

'I don't know.' she whispered through the tears. 'I just don't know what to believe anymore...'

'Rose, when I lost you I tried everything to get you back, I swear. But there really was no way. I wanted to allow myself to go on without you, but I couldn't. I went crazy.' He shuddered lightly and whispered. 'I have done such terrible things...'

'All these planets I have visited,' he continued, sounding almost as if he was pleading. 'All these worlds I have seen, it wasn't the same. Not without you. Not even once did you leave my mind, Rose, I swear. Not even once. I couldn't forget you, but I also couldn't come back for you.'

Rose let out an involuntary chuckle that had nothing in common with what she was feeling at the moment. 'I can't believe you're really here.'

He pulled her towards him and enveloped her in his arms. 'Neither can I.' he whispered. 'Neither can I.'

They stayed like that for a long moment. His arms holding her tightly against his chest, hers locked around his shoulders. She breathed in his scent deeply and closed her eyes, burying her head in his chest, silently crying as she listened to the quadruple beat of his hearts.

The Doctor hugged Rose as tight as he could without hurting himself too much, resting chin on her head as she placed her ear against his chest, and sighed. Home.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for the lovely reviews :)  
What do you think would happen next?**

 **TBC**


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

They were still in the cramped kitchen, sipping from the tea Rose had insisted on making. The tension between them had vanished almost completely, but neither of them knew how to start a conversation. The chances to say something inappropriate that would make the other back away were extremely high.

The silence dragged on and the Doctor used the time to study Rose's face. She didn't look good at all. He noticed she had bags under her eyes and wore no make-up. Her cheeks were hollow and he was sure she had lost weight. Clearly she wasn't taking care of herself, and hadn't found anyone to do that for her. She'd recently had a haircut so that it was now, ironically, shorter than when she travelled with him. But the full effect of two years being trapped in a parallel universe was hidden behind layers and layers of barriers. Her gaze was blank, steady, emotionless. Once her eyes had been sparkling with joy and excitement, taking in the wonders of the universe with such interest and love, but now they were cold and lifeless. Two dark puddles of lost hope.

Rose stared back at him, taking him in the same way he was taking in her. Her eyes flicked over his face until they found his gaze. She held it for a long moment.

'So, uhm... How long has it been for you?' she finally asked quietly.

'I don't know.' he repeated. 'Couldn't bear to keep count.'

Rose unclasped their hands, leaving his cold and clam, and reached out to behind his head. 'All the time I was with you, your hair didn't seem to grow.' she frowned, raking her fingers through his hair. 'And now it's so long.'

He let her fumble with his hair trying to come up with a decent answer. He had none. 'I couldn't cut it.' he mouthed finally.

'Why not?'

'It's the only way I could bear to count.' he said harshly.

She looked up at him expectantly, demanding an explanation he felt he owed her.

'I didn't want to forget.' he whispered. 'But I couldn't count the days, couldn't live knowing exactly how long you were gone. So I let my hair grow.' he bit his lip and added: 'It's a reminder of my mistakes. I never want to make them again.'

He was glad she didn't ask what mistakes he meant. She wouldn't be ready for him to confess everything he had felt and known when she was travelling with him.

'How long is it?' she asked tentatively.

'Forty-two centimetres.' he mumbled.

Rose bit her lip. At humans standards it would take far more than two years for hair to grow that long. She wasn't quite sure what to say about it.

The doctor felt a dull ace in his chest as he thought back at the events of that morning -had it really been only that morning?- waking up to the TARDIS reminding him of-

Wait a moment.

Suddenly all the blood was drawn from his face. 'Oh...'

'What is it?'

'The TARDIS...' he whispered breathlessly. 'Why didn't I think of her before?'

Roses eyes grew wide in horror as she the realisation hit her. 'No...'

The Doctor grabbed her shoulders. 'Where is she?'

'Ehm- I think, ehm-' she racked her mind, had Pete said anything about the TARDIS? No.

'Rose!' he cried.

'We need to find Jake!' she finally spat out, grabbing his sleeve and pulling him along.

They ran through the maze of corridors and stairways. Rose seemed to know exactly where she was going and the Doctor had a hard time trying to keep up with her. He really shouldn't be running with these injuries, but was spurred on by the rush of adrenaline. He couldn't believe he hadn't thought of his ship. The Tardis's safety was priority, always had been. Even if he had been a bit preoccupied since he got here, how could he have forgotten something so important?

Finally they stopped in front of yet another door, seemingly identical to all the others they had passed. Rose didn't bother knocking and marched into the room, addressing the young boy with spikes who was pouting at the remnants of what had once been a desk. 'Jake, where is the- Oh...'

Jake looked up at the visitors. 'Er... So this just sort of happened.' he mumbled ashamedly.

Rose grimaced. 'Told you to be careful with that tube. You're the third one this week.'

The Doctor, who had doubled over in pain, trying to catch his breath somehow still managed to cough impatiently. 'Where is the TARDIS?'

'Oh no, no.' Jake jumped from his chair and grabbed the Doctors arm to support him while he kept coughing. 'Why are you doing here? We had an agreement.'

He turned to Rose, fear and anger having replaced the guilty look. 'Why are you letting him run around like this?'

Rose held up her hands in defence. 'I-'

'No, Rose, why don't you understand? His ribs are broken. A normal human being would barely manage to stand, let alone walk.'

'I'll be fine.' The Doctor coughed again, but when he wiped his mouth they noticed red blood sticking to his fingers. 'I need the Tardis.'

'You need to go back to bed. I'm calling Pete to give you a sedative.'

'No.' The Doctor groaned.

'Do I have to spell it out for you?' Jake was shouting now. 'Your. Ribs. Are. Broken.'

The Doctor glared at him. 'If you don't bring me to my ship now, I'll break a lot more than that.'

'Stop it.' Rose pulled Jack away from the Time Lord. 'Jake, you of all people should know how important the Tardis is. It's home.'

Jake hesitated, torn between giving in, because it was true, the Tardis was home to the Doctor, and calling Pete, because he wouldn't let Rose lose her friend again.

'Okay.' He sighed. ' I think they brought it in two hours ago. I suppose they're done running tests. The usual stuff. I'll take you there on two conditions: Firstly, we walk.'

The Doctor huffed. Not that he would be capable of much more running even if he wanted to.

'And secondly, I'm calling Pete who'll send someone to escort you back to medical.'

The Doctor pulled a face. 'Did you really need to say escort?'

'Well?'

'Jack's right, Doctor, you do need to rest.' Rose said gently.

However wrong the Doctor would have liked her to be, he knew she did have a point. 'Fine.'

.

.

.

Jake led them down to a big hall, apparently filled with space junk. The Doctor recognised various objects from planets he had once visited. He was glad to see everything was completely harmless and most of it outdated. Everything, except for the blue police box standing on a platform at the centre of the hall. Jake send away the few technologists that were still trying to find away to break through the doors and turned to the Doctor.

'Here it is.'

The Doctor stepped forward as if in slow motion. He reached for the doors, hoping against all odds that the machine would reach back for him. His hand connected with the lifeless wood. A cold wave of emptiness washed over him and he paled. 'No no no...' he whispered. 'Don't do this to me. Please, don't do this to me.'

They watched as the Doctor walked slowly around the ship, inspecting every inch of its surface. Occasionally he stopped in his movements, placing both hands on the ships exterior or pressing his forehead against it as though trying to make contact mentally.

'The Tardis...' Rose started tentatively. 'Is she-'

The Doctor looked back at her blankly.

'Will she be able to-' she trailed off and stared at her feet, not really wanting to know what the answer might be.

The Doctor looked away, biting his lip. 'Rose,' he said softly. 'A Tardis is a very complex being. I already told you that it once was normal for my people to cross the void and visit parallel worlds. But that always took more than one Tardis and there were always others waiting on the other side. The Tardis is conscious, she's telepathically connected with me. Timelords can feel the each other's consciousness as well as of other telepathic species. Through a similar connection, Tardises are in some way aware of each other. This means there is always a stream of consciousness, tiny fibres in time and space, to lead them back home.'

He paused, inhaling deeply, and continued with a calm and steady voice. 'There is very little chance that the Tardis can escape this universe. Last time we were unbelievably lucky, she hadn't crashed this badly and we immediately had her recharging. Well, kind of.' he sighed. 'This time however, she's shut down entirely, no way to find enough power to raise her energy levels again. There's not even a spark left. She might never fly again.'

* * *

 **AN: Currently I am working on two other sorts of fanfic (BotH and a new one) and I noticed the difference in writing style.  
The other pieces are a lot more introspective, which makes this fic feel a bit hastened.  
Anyway, thanks for reading and please leave me a comment with your thougts on this chapter and how to improve this story**

 **TBC**


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